Wednesday, April 18, 2012

6/30: What is the hardest thing you've ever experienced

This one is not tough for me...

The hardest thing I have ever experienced was moving to Lake Placid.  When I first moved to LP I was so focused on learning my new job and doing it well that anything outside of my job and taking care of my two new charges {my parent's dogs} took a back seat.  Once I got a handle on everything {or most things} and the team left on tour, I was alone, physically and emotionally.  I don't have any co-workers in my office, so the majority of my days are spent alone.  Now, don't get me wrong I go down to the training center quite a bit and chit chat, but on days that I am really busy that's not an option.  I didn't realize how hard this would actually be.

From an earlier post, you know that I've moved a lot in my life and I've always made new friends, but what I've come to realize is that I always had an activity that brought people to me.  Skating and school were always where my friends came from, shared activities.  I discovered that I am actually not that great at going out and meeting new people, and that it's hard!  Being along gives you SO much time to think, which is a terrible thing for me.  I think, then think again, and then over think it one more time.  I've had to learn to turn off my brain sometimes and just let things happen, that has been the hardest part of the hardest thing I've ever experienced.

I can't even tell you the number of times I broke down during this past year.  One week was especially hard, that week if anyone asked me how Lake Placid was, I would burst into tears.  That was definitely the worst of the time here and it has gotten better since then.  I do have a hard time balancing all the things that I want to do.  When I didn't have any friends, I got into a routine that helped me to lose 30lbs and I didn't want to drop that.  I have learned to be flexible and move things around in my schedule to accommodate a small social life.  I still have a long way to go in my journey so right now a small social life is all I can afford in order to reach the goals that I have set for myself.