Monday, December 17, 2012

Day 12: The person that has caused you the most pain

In all fairness, I am sure that you don't know that you caused me this much pain.  I will take partial responsibility for coming back time after time when you clearly were telling me with your actions and sometimes your words that we were not on the same page.

All that being said, you were the first, and thus far the only person that I have cried myself to sleep over.  You are one of the people that has brought the most happiness in my life, you've boosted my self esteem.  Those were the good times.  In the bad times I have never felt worse about myself.  I gave everything to you, I gave you my heart and opened up to you in a way I hadn't previously.  While I was doing that you were keeping yourself closed off to me.  Now I know that is how you are with everyone, you're very very shy and private.  I should have realized at that point that something was off.

I know that it's not your fault that I placed so much of my self worth in our relationship, but I did.  I am grateful that I have finally grown up and come to my senses about the person that you are and the place you belong in my life.  Now that I have come to terms with that, I still have a little twinge when I see you a moment of wondering what might have been.  But I also know that your place in my life is as my friend, in the loosest sense of the word.  Like all of my friends, I care about your success and I hope the best for you.  As you work towards your dreams I will always support you.

Merry Christmas