Breakup

I've made a decision halfway through 2013 (when did it become June BTW... half way through 2013, what?), that I am no longer going to be in a love/hate relationship with my scale.

This is a really popular subject this week, check out post by Mama Laughlin and Skinny Meg on why they are breaking up with their scales.

I have thought about breaking up with my scale for a long time, but my Type A personality has really been hurtful in this process.  For example, this is my planner for the month of June:

When I say I like to know the numbers, I really like to know exactly what the change is from week to week and when I get really obsessive from day to day.  I know that I have this obsessive problem and how it can quickly go from being something that is helpful and motivating to something that is a complete downer.  I quickly obsess over things and its a compulsion that is not healthy.  I'll get super dedicated and motivated on whatever I am into that month and then when I start to fail or not do as well as the high goals and expectations I set for myself, I start to back away from the activity or goal.  I have done this for the past two years with running, losing weight, you name it.

Let's get real, I've gained and lost the same 15 pounds for the last year.  I had a good thing going when I went vegan for the first month.  Then I got sick and fell of the plant-based wagon.  I refused to weigh myself when off the wagon because I didn't want to know how bad it was, complete avoidance was the best method to make it through.  Now that I am back on the wagon, I forced myself to step on to the scale at the end of last week to see how much damage the shame spiral did.  I was pleasantly surprised that it was not as bad as I was expecting, so that motivated me.

My scale and I are on good terms right now, but these are not the times that I am concerned about.  I am concerned about the times when I have had a really great week, then I decided to weigh myself and the second that number pops up I go from super happy and proud of myself to pissed off and ready to eat a box of Milk Duds.  I've had this conversation with myself, going over the pros and cons of weighing myself weekly for the past 6 days.  I decided today with the help of a good friend who let's me talk out the debates that I have in my head, I decided that it's going to be monthly.  It has to happen so I make sure that I am on track with what I am doing, and it gives whatever method or change I make time to work before I completely dismiss it as a failure.

Some habits are harder to break than others, we'll see how it goes, I might have to hide my scale.  As luck would have it, I weighed myself on May 31.  Now I just have 24 more days before I can do it again, not that I am counting...